No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
