Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
