dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
