like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
