So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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