my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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