Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
