I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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