i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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