need another drink. this is the easiest way
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
