The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
