We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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