whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Randomize
