No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
