just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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