I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
