I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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