She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
