There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
