My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
