So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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