I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
