Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
