I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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