You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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