I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
