I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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