If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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