What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
