Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
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I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
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Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I party with great urgency now.
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