If that was your dad, he is hot
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
