dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
