Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
