Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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