You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
