i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
