Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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