fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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