DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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