I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
