Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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