his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
