I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
