I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
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I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wear drunk well.
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