I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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