Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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