how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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