I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
