He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
