How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize