I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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