you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
