Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
