Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
