she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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