no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
