As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
